Merry, late, Christmas AF and co!
by Aliet Faslami
Summary: Sorry this is so late... I had busyness. Anyway, I'm on the x-mas bandwagon! It's christmas! AF and Co style! Be afraid!


Here's the deal. This comes after AF's little Europe venture, and basically AF has moved in with Zim, Jendai and the Tallest. Don't ask me why the Tallest are there. The Massive crashed or something. This isn't supposed to make a hell of a lot of sense... I just felt like writing something Christmassy! I only own myself and Jendai. Everyone else is copyright of their almighty creator! Bow to him, not me!  
  
The scene is the local department store on Christmas Eve day. People are everywhere, yelling and shoving and basically doing the evil-shopper-procrastinating-until-two-days-before-Christmas thing. Needless to say, AF is there, doing her last minute shopping for her group cuz she's a procrastinator too. Zim is with her.   
  
Zim (getting mad at the shoppers because they keep stepping on him): Stupid human stinks! Stay away from ZIM! OW! (gets stepped on by obese man) You! Cow human! You stepped on the mighty ZIM! Now you must be destroyed!  
  
Obese man: Yeah, whatever, Kid. (keeps on walking)  
  
AF (not noticing the incident and looking for presents): Hmm... Lessee... ooo! Lazer pens! (grabs four, a red, a blue, a yellow and a green) Hehe, Red will flip! (crosses Red off her list) Now all I have left is Dai... Hmm... Zimmy? What can I get for Jendai?  
  
Zim (getting dragged away and trampled by a huge tide of humans): Daaaaaaah! AF! Help!   
  
AF: Oh shit! (runs after her Irken bud) Hey! Stop!   
  
Waaaay too perky lady (turns to AF): Well hello there young lady!   
  
AF (helps Zim up): Yeah, hey, whatever. You okay, Squirt?  
  
Zim (mumbling dizzily): Uh huh... no... GIR... no more tacos... (falls over)  
  
WTPL (horrified): Your son is drunk! How could you let him do that? You are a horrible mother!  
  
AF (stunned beyond belief): ...Wha? (recovers) What!? No! I'm not his mom! He doesn't even look like me! How old do you think I am? I'm sixteen lady! (flashes hand) I'm not even married! Hell, I don't even have a boyfriend! Not to mention Zim is probably way older than I am anyway!   
  
WTPL (now concerned for AF): Oh you poor thing! (puts arm around AF) I know a shelter for people like you during these times! It's not your fault dearie, you couldn't have known this would happen. Where are your parents?  
  
AF (dazed): Europe... They're both in Europ-wait! Zim isn't my kid! He's my friend that got dragged along for Christmas shopping! Now, let me go-(pulls arm off her)-and we can all go on our merry way. Let's go Zimmy. (picks him up and heads for the cashier)  
  
Zim (half-conscious): Can we go home now, AF? GIR... tacos... madness!  
  
AF: Erm... yes.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Red (inside Zim's living room which is oddly enough, decorated all Christmassy-with a tree, stockings on the tv which is playing a tape of fire that makes it look like a fireplace, lights, all that jazz. There's even a few presents under the tree! Squee!): No way Purple! Zim said I could decorate his yard!  
  
Purple: Nuh uh! AF said I could do it!   
  
Red (gets in Purple's face): I'm doing the yard!  
  
Purple (right back in Red's face): I'M doing the yard!  
  
Jendai (from the kitchen): You both can do the damn yard! Red can do half, Pur can do the other. Now shut up and go outside. I'm trying to cook in here! (sound of pots and pans rattling together)  
  
Tallest (sticking their heads in the kitchen): Whatcha doing?  
  
Jendai (turns around from stove. He's got flour all over him, is wearing an apron-hehe!-and is holding a big mixing bowl filled with batter. Zim's kitchen is covered in bowls, plates and other such cooking shtuff, and there are several completed dishes in the fridge): I'm making food. What's it look like I'm doing? (he goes back to mixing the cookies or cake or whatever he's got in that bowl)  
  
Purple (snickering): Uh, 'Dai? Wipe your upper lip.  
  
Jendai: huh? Oh. (does so and only succeeds in making the smear worse)  
  
Red (snickering too): Nice apron, Jendai. It's so manly and... pink!  
  
Jendai (pissed): Shut up! GIR washed it with the red stuff because it had tomato sauce on it! Your red stuff, to be precise, Lazer Ass. Now, (threatens them with a batter-covered spoon) get out of my kitchen and get on with your little projects. GIR!  
  
GIR (pops out of flour jar like he does in Planet Jackers): Yyyyyyes?  
  
Jendai (ordering GIR like Zim does): Bring me... oh... the butter! Do it and you shall be the first to taste the dough!  
  
GIR (jumps out of flour jar and salutes-red mode): Yes, Big Master! I obey! (blue mode) Heehee! Butter! (skips off)  
  
Jendai (shoves the Tallest out): Go on! Go make a total mess of the yard and have it done before AF and Zim get back. If you don't, she'll be very upset.  
  
Purple (pausing in the act of getting his winter shtuff on): Did her parents call from Italy yet? They said they'd call on holidays and her birthday.  
  
Jendai (looks sad): Nope. Don't tell her that though. She'll get pissed and go pyro and I worked so very hard on the decorations...  
  
Purple: Someone's quite the little homemaker.  
  
Jendai (pissed again): Quiet you. Remember, I'm just as tall as you are. I can kick your ass and not be penalized. (evil grin)  
  
Purple (scared): I remember... (finishes putting on scarf and hat) Okay, I'm headin' out. Good luck in here. (heads outside. There's snow on the ground and GIR has made little snow-Irkens as a tribute to his master-aww! Everyone else on the street has lights and stuff out, except for Zim, but the Tallest are gonna change that!) Hey Red! ...Where are you?  
  
Red (from up on the roof): Up here! Damn, you're slow! I've already got the lazers set up on my half-  
  
Purple (gets shot by aforementioned lazer): Dah! (rubs his eye and looks up at Red) Why do you always do that?  
  
Red (shrugs): Cause AF's not around to beat the shit out of me if I do. Watch out for the lazers-  
  
Purple (gets shot once more): DAH!   
  
Red (snickering):-in the elves. They're voice-activated.   
  
Purple (looks around nervously): 'Elves'? (notices Zim's lawn gnomes have been turned into elves via Red's "creativity" and a cutout of a Martha Stewart article of how to make cupcake elves out of perfectly ordinary frosting) Is Jendai going to notice how much frosting you stole?   
  
Red (nervous too): Uh... I hope not...  
  
Purple (continuing to hassle Red): And why the hell are you reading 'Martha Stewart'!? That woman is insane! Not to mention she annoys the hell out of everyone on this planet. And AF. And Zim. And me. And-  
  
Red (gets annoyed): I'll throw the damn thing away all right!?  
  
They get started on the decorations. Red does his half, Purple does his. It's all starting too look really pretty and they start to hurry as it gets dark. Both sides have lights, elves and pretty things like that. Although, Red's lights shoot lazers and Purple's elves make pretty smoke. People come out and all stare at the display. They point and gasp and stare and the Tallest soak up all the niiiiice attention.  
  
Red (bows and waves): Thank you! Thank you!   
  
Purple (does the same): You think this is nice, check us out on Halloween!   
  
In the midst of this Christmas madness, AF pulls up. Zim-awake now-is helping her carry out the presents she bought.   
  
AF (staring at Christmas display): What the hell...? (shoves onlookers out of the way, Zim following her) Move aside! I live here! Get outa my way! Pyro and Invader coming through! (needless to say, the people dive out of the way. AF stares up at Tallest) What have you two done?  
  
Purple (smiling bashfully): We... (Red ducks behind him, cowering) uh, got into the Christmas spirit!   
  
Zim (snickering): Jendai kicked you out, huh?  
  
Red (from behind Purple): Quiet or we'll send you to the exploding head planet!  
  
AF (threateningly): Now, Red, that's not very Christmas like...   
  
Red (blushes and cowers lower): Sorry... AF... (looks for an escape) Damn, it's cold! Jendai should be done by now. Let's go inside! (runs away)  
  
AF: Am I really THAT scary...?  
  
Zim and Purple: Yes.  
  
They go inside where it's nice and warm. Jendai is indeed done cooking. He's got all kinds of cookies and nummy shtuff ready for them cuz it's Christmas Eve.   
  
AF (notices pink apron): GIR did laundry again, I see.   
  
GIR (off in the corner playing with the spoon Jendai was using earlier): I am one with the spoon! ("meditates" for a sec, then goes off happy hyper and dances with the spoon until he notices big pile of presents Zim is dumping under the tree) MASTER GOT ME PRESENTS!! (runs over to presents and shakes them all, squealing in joy) Heeheeheeheeheeee!  
  
AF (pulls GIR away from the presents): Not all of 'em are for you, GIRRY. Some are for your master, or Big Master, or the two genetic freaks of the galaxy.  
  
GIR (excited): YAY! Presents!  
  
Two Genetic Fre-er, Tallest: Hey!  
  
AF (ignoring them): Did my parents call today, 'Dai? (watches him look at the ground) Oh... (looks upset) They said they'd... never mind. (goes over to trashcan) Stupid holiday... I'm going to my room! Call me when this holiday's over! (goes down into her room in the lab)  
  
Zim (follows her): I'm going down there too. This is a frivolous asininity which should be disregarded and condemned at all possible costs. (blushes at funny looks from others) Er... Not to mention AF might go pyro down there and blow up some valuable experiment... (gets more funny looks) Oh! Just call me if you need me! (goes down the trashcan)  
  
Red (staring dumbly after Zim): Where the hell does he learn all those words?  
  
Jendai (looks at Purple): Hmm. I wonder.  
  
Purple (looks up at sarcasm): huh?  
  
Jendai (sighs): Never mind... We can watch movies-  
  
Red (cutting in): Yeah! I brought the Haunting!   
  
Jendai (continuing):-or something like that until AF decides to be friendly again.  
  
Purple (confused): How is that going to happen?  
  
Jendai: She's down there with Zim. (shrugs) She loves the squirt to death and he's bound to get himself blown up or need help or something. How long could she stay mad in that scenario?  
  
Tallest: Good point.  
  
GIR (jumps on the couch with popcorn): Yay! Movie tiiiime!   
  
Purple (gets a light bulb over his head): Wait. Did we get AF stuff for Christmas?  
  
Jendai (blushes): Uh... too busy cooking...  
  
Red (blushing too): Oops...   
  
Purple (shakes his head): Me either. So that means... (looks at Red) No movie until AF has stuff.   
  
Red: Shit.  
  
The trio hauls Zim back up from his lab. They all go to work trying to find presents. They look in the lab, in the kitchen, even in the yard. Zim comes up with a real flamethrower, Jendai manages to make some dark chocolate-AF's absolute fave-in ten minutes and Red grabs a tire from behind Zim's house.  
  
Purple (stares at tire): What the hell is that for?  
  
Red (sheepish): Uh... to practice... the flamethrower on!  
  
Zim (looks up from wrapping the flamethrower): But it already has a practice mode that doesn't actually burn things! You can even set different targets to it-  
  
Red (pissed): Shut up Zim.  
  
Zim (saluting): Yes Red! Yes my Tallest SIR!  
  
Jendai (also wrapping): Wha'd you get her Pur?  
  
Purple (hiding his gift behind the tree): Er... nuthin...   
  
Red (teasing him): Aww, look! Purple got her something lovey!   
  
Jendai: Shut the hell up, Lazer Ass (smacks Red with one of his robo legs)  
  
Red (whining): Owww... Stupid tall Student... thing.  
  
Purple (pokes his head out from behind the tree): Ahem! You mind repeating that?  
  
Red (grumbling): Surrounded by smoke-loving Students...   
  
Zim (to himself cuz he's seriously enjoying the show of his Tallest and Jendai arguing): And they say us short things are bad... heh heh...   
  
So, they finish wrapping then watch "The Haunting", with Zim and Purple almost screaming whenever something bad happens and Jendai and Red laughing hysterically at how bad the movie is, until nobody can stay awake for another minute. They all go down to the lab. My, Zim was busy making rooms for all! GIR however, stays on the couch, watching the Scary Monkey Christmas Special-where the only difference is that the monkey wears a Santa hat and "Jingle Bells" plays instead of the usual theme music. Before Purple heads off though, he pokes his head in AF's room.  
  
Purple (sticks his head tentatively around the door): Hello?   
  
AF (somewhere inside): What? (she's reading her manga in bed with PJ pants, her shirt from that day and fuzzy black slippers) Oh. Whatcha want Pur? (doesn't look up at him) Squee. Washu scene.   
  
Purple (embarrassed): Er, uh... You missed laughing with Jendai and Red at how stupid "the Haunting" is.   
  
AF (not really interested): Cool. (looks up at him. She's wearing tiny little glasses. AF's farsighted-sometimes) Let me guess, you and Zimmy were terrified out of your Irken minds? (raises an eyebrow)  
  
Purple (blushing): Yeah, sorta. Anyway, just wanted to say that everyone-living anyway-is going to bed now so... Night.  
  
AF (half-ignoring him): Uh huh. (turns page in manga as Purple leaves)  
  
Purple (shuts her door behind him): Shot down again... my, your lady skills aren't what they used to be... (realizes he's talking to himself) Damn. Hope nobody heard that... (heads off to his room)  
  
So, finally, everyone's asleep-or are they? Much time goes by. It's now 3:30AM and AF decides she can't sleep so she goes for a little walky in the lab...   
  
AF (pulls her blanket around her): Holy crap it's cold... (looks around and sits down on a relatively clear spot on the floor) *Sigh* It's Christmas. (plays with her hair and frowns) Joy. Alone on Christmas morning. Shoulda stayed in Italy. Well... at least people speak English here... (looks up at the ceiling) This is great. My favorite holiday ever and I'm depressed. A new low point.   
  
Voice from behind her: I thought this was the one night all humans were forced to sleep.  
  
AF (jumps about three feet): What the? (turns around) Oh, hey Zimmy. What are you doing up?  
  
Zim (sits down beside her): I never fell asleep. Too busy preparing the base for the arrival of this "Santa" human's arrival. Irk knows what he could do here. (gets plotting look) If he comes, he shall find several unpleasant things awaiting him.  
  
AF (suspicious): Such as...?  
  
Zim (devilish): Lazers. Lazer Weasels and a portal to the Moose Room.  
  
AF (thinks): And what if someone other than Santa fell into one of your traps?  
  
Zim (also thinks): I think I need to go make some modifications... (gets up) What are you going to do until GIR decides its morning, AF? Judging by my vast understanding of my robot slave you have... (thinks again) Two-and-a-half hours.  
  
AF: Zzz...  
  
Zim (looks over at her): Hmm. I see. Sleeping is a most perfect way to use the time you have left! I commend you, AF! (starts to shake her hand, then remembers she's asleepy) Heh heh... Sleep well, human child. (pulls her blanket around her more) I will see you soon. (scurries off to fulfill his DOOMISH plot)  
  
Morning finds AF in the shower. She woke up, was stiff, cold and decided she'd take a shower. She's feeling better. Not so depressed. When she finally gets out, GIR is waiting for her.  
  
GIR (jumps on her head): YAY! Pyro's awake! WE OPEN PRESENTS NOOOOW!   
  
AF: Dah! GIR!! (tries to pry him off and succeeds) Didn't anyone ever tell you not to barge into the bathroom?   
  
GIR (sad): But... But it's Christmas and I get presents and Master won't come out of his lab to let me open them...  
  
AF (resigned): Fine. Let me get some clothes on and I'll make everyone else get up so you can open presents. (looks down at him) But then everyone has to leave me alone. Got that?  
  
GIR (red mode): Yes ma'am! (blue mode) PRESENTS!!  
  
SOOO! AF runs around waking Irkens for GIR-after she's dressed of course, ^_^;; But before she can return to her room...  
  
AF (Gets grabbed by Purple and Jendai): Hey! What are you doing!? Put me down you stupid, genetically deformed freaks! (stops her ranting when she sees the pile of stuff with her name on it) Wha...?   
  
Zim (big smile): Merry Christmas AF!  
  
AF (stunned): Huh...? (realizes what's going on) You... you guys...? (points helplessly at pile of stuff)  
  
Red (folds his arms): You better believe it. We were up until midnight wrapping the stuff.   
  
AF (GIR-ish teary eyes): *Sniff* Thank you... (realizes she's still being held by Dai and Purple) Hey! Put me down!  
  
They put her down and the gift-giving commences. First round is Jendai's gifts, along with cookies and hot chocolate with teeny marshmallow trees and Santas floating around in it. GIR goes first, cuz he's the baby of them all. He gets one of those little machines that supposedly make "real" whatever food it is. This is for brainfreezies. Big surprise, yes?  
  
GIR (in absolute joy): I got choc'late bubblegum mixies!! (looks up at Jendai who's on the couch with AF and Purple) Thank you Big Master! (hearts in his eyes) I luv you...  
  
Jendai (ignoring snickers from the peanut gallery): You're welcome GIR. Have fun.  
  
Zim (worried): I worry what he'll do to the base with that thing...  
  
Red (yelling): My turn! (rips open package. His eyes get huge) Oooo... (holds up a book entitled, "How To Put On Your Own Lazer Show Without Making Short Things Do It!") Hehe... I'm gonna have some fun with this...   
  
Purple (glares at Jendai): Thanks a lot...  
  
Jendai (ignoring sarcasm): ^_^ Welcome!  
  
Purple goes next and gets a pocket smoke machine. Zim gets protective gear for going into the lazer weasel pit. And AF of course gets her beloved dark chocolate. Everyone opens the presents from Zim and GIR next. Jendai gets a cookbook, Purple gets goggles to wear during Red's lazer shows, Red gets a breathing mask to use during Purple's smoke displays and AF...  
  
AF (so excited she's breathing hard): A flamethrower!? A REAL kick-ass FLAMETHROWER!? SQUEE!! (jumps off the couch and squeezes Zim) Thank you Zimmy! Thank you!!  
  
Zim (can barely breathe): Wel... come... AF... can... you... stop squeezing... my head...?  
  
AF (lets him go): Oops... sorry Zimmy.  
  
AF gives out her gifts now. Red's eyes get even bigger with the pens, GIR has a new piggy that squeaks, Zim got the movies "Titan AE" and the first "Star Wars" (not Episode I, the one with the Death Star exploding a planet) cuz they have blowing up Earth and an Earth-like planet in them. Purple gets about 50 books about different things and a set of actual pens-pretty ones!   
  
Jendai (stares down at his present, which is an envelope): What is this...? (opens it, jaw drops) No way. (pulls out tickets) How... how did you... AF! How did you get these!? (holds up some tickets to the "Iron Chef" competition. You know, the thing where all those chefs try and make the best food... thing? Yeah, that's Dai's favorite show.)   
  
AF (blushing): I know some people.  
  
Jendai: Thank you! (hugs her! AWW!)  
  
AF (thinks to herself): Hehehehehehe!  
  
Red (teasing): Heh heh, there's the other part of AF's present-(AF holds up the flamethrower in one hand)-never mind... (goes back to his book)  
  
The Tallest teamed up to get everyone something, except for AF. Jendai gets one of those apron things with the muscles drawn on them, Zim... well, Zim gets a sandwich, GIR gets a few screws and a paperclip-my the Tallest are being evil!  
  
AF (holds up the tire):... What the hell is this? Never mind, better question. Whose bright idea was this? (looks at Red) Lazer Ass, I'm not letting you get away with this... just you wait until Valentine's Day! (pats flamethrower)  
  
Five minutes later, everyone is so busy messing with their presents that they forget about the little box behind the tree. Jendai eventually heads into the kitchen to get the food and everyone can hear maniacal laughter from outside as AF "plays" with her flamethrower. They mess around for a few hours, snacking on nummy stuff and drinking sparkling cider and wine. AF and GIR get the cider cuz they're underage, ^_^;; Once they settle down, they all watch movies for a while, starting with "Titan AE" and ending with "The Others."  
  
AF (on the couch between Dai and Purple once more, Zim is on her lap cuz he's tiny and isn't allowed to sit in the chair with Red and doesn't feel like sitting on the floor): Oh come on! You can SO tell she's the one who's dead!   
  
Purple (has never seen this movie before): Quiet! This is scary!  
  
Well, he's right for once. It's the part where the kids are hiding in the closet and the old woman is "coming" for them. Even AF is still a little scared by this part. When the closet door flies open, everyone-even Red-screams and jumps. AF grabs Zim, while Purple grabs her. Zim ignores the incident. Although... AF and Purple kinda give each other a funny look, then a nervous smile, then go back to watching the conclusion of "The Others." When it's over, they all collect their presents and head off to bed, saying their final "thank yous". Before she can head downstairs, Purple stops AF.   
  
Purple (hands her the box): I forgot to give you this...  
  
AF (looks down at box):... I knew the tire wasn't your idea Pur! (rips it open to reveal a jewelry box) Pur... what? (opens the box to see a topaz stone embedded in a little gold teardrop pendant on a gold chain. Little clear, sparkly stones are around the topaz) Holy crap! Purple! Why'd you do this?  
  
Purple (blushes): It's your birthstone... right? Although I don't get why humans have a certain stone assigned to them when they're born...   
  
AF (puts necklace on): Damn, Pur! You know how to treat a female! Are these diamonds?   
  
Purple (quoting the song in "Moulin Rouge"): "Diamonds are a girl's best friend."  
  
AF: You watch that movie too much. (hugs him) Squee! Purple, this is beautiful! I luv it!  
  
GIR (appearing around the corner with Zim): Hehehe!  
  
Zim: Quiet GIR! The Tallest and AF must not notice our presence yet!  
  
GIR (like he did in "Germs"): Oh, I understand... (lets Zim get on his head)  
  
Zim (very softly): Now to put my plan into action! (gets up on his robotic legs so he's almost directly above AF and Purple) Hehe, and here's the other part of my present, AF... (puts some mistletoe over the duo)   
  
GIR (can't hold it back anymore): PYRO! MISTLETOE!  
  
AF (looks up): What the hell...?   
  
Zim (looks down): Heh... hi AF! Greetings, my Tallest!  
  
Purple (pissed): Zim, the minute you come down from there...  
  
AF (finishing for him): I swear I'm gonna wring your neck.  
  
Zim (confused): But is it not a human tradition to... (shudders) kiss, under the mistletoe? And here you are, under this piece of mistletoe.  
  
AF and Purple look at each other, blush and then perform the ancient human tradition of what one does beneath a piece of mistletoe while Zim cackles insanely in the background. Afterwards, they blush some more, then chase Zim around the base until he gives up. Then, they all go down to go to sleep.  
  
Purple (stops AF): Hey, Merry Christmas, AF.  
  
AF (smiles at him): Same to you, Pur.  
  
Sorry this was so late... ^_^;; I had busy holidays. This very fluffy yes? Anyway, hope everyone's was as good as mine! Happy New Year! This is AF, signing off! 


End file.
